Tag Archives: self-control

Our Problem with Princes

SCOTUS

The purpose of this post is not to define the biblical doctrine of marriage. My assumption is that the biblical view of marriage between one man and woman is correct, pure, righteous and not to be changed. Instead, I want to make some observations about how we, as Christians, can respond to the June 26, 2015 decision from the Supreme Court of the United States changing the definition of marriage.

First, we can revisit our understanding of the doctrine of God’s providence and sovereignty. The civil magistrate is an appointed agent from God for the purpose of protecting good and punishing evil (Rom. 13:1-4). This agent has rejected God’s word in favor of the clamoring of culture. That, however, does not mean that God is caught flat-footed. Proverbs 21:1 tells us: “The king’s heart is a stream of water in the hand of the LORD; he turns it wherever he will.” The Supreme Court’s decision is not outside of God’s providential governing of the world. The Westminster Confession of Faith tells us God governs even over the sins of men, ordering and governing them to his own holy end (See WCF 5.4). God is not in heaven wringing his hands over these disorderly justices. He turns their hearts whichever way he wills. We do not know the final destination of this chapter of history, but we know God is in control of it.

Second, we should be humble, not self-righteous. Biblically, it is sinful to pervert the God-ordained institution of marriage. But the church has to guard herself against the self-righteousness of the Pharisee: “I thank you that I am not like other men” (Luke 18:9-14). The only difference between the Christian and the non-Christian is the presence of the Holy Spirit. Unless a person is changed by the Holy Spirit he cannot enter the kingdom of heaven. All people, by nature, are deserving of God’s wrath and judgment. The most loving and humble expression toward our fellow man is to tell them of the salvation offered in Christ. They, like you at one time, are in need to hear that sin leads to death, but that death has been swallowed up in victory for those who have placed their faith in Christ and his perfect work of atonement.

Third, we should be convicted of our prayerlessness. In prayer we express our complete dependence on God. Whether Arminian or Calvinistic, in prayer we recognize that our help is in the name of the Lord who made heaven and earth (Psalm 124:8). The church has not been fervent in seeking God’s face in protecting the institution of marriage. We have not wrestled as Jacob did. We have not said, “I will not let you go until you bless me.” (Genesis 32:26). Let today be the day we start fervently to pray to the Lord again.

In these days, turn to the Lord for security and do not look with confidence to the princes of our land. The solution to our nation’s sin problem is not found in the right politician. As the hymn “Hallelujah, Praise Jehovah, O My Soul” reminds us, they will die, to dust returning, and their purposes shall end. Instead, the cry of Scripture is: “Trust in the Lord with all your heart, and do not lean on your own understanding. In all your ways acknowledge him, and his will make straight your paths.” (Proverbs 3:5-6).

Leading Like a Man

Wedding Rings

Writing an article on the role of husbands should always make the writer feel a twinge of hypocrisy. I know you know this, but there is no such thing as a perfect husband. An article like this one make the writer painfully aware of his own short-comings as a husband. I think we, as husbands, often think of ourselves as better than we really are. A quick look at our standard should be enough to bring us back down to earth. Christ is the standard of the proper treatment of our wives. Even the most proud-hearted husband would have to admit he has not loved his wife as Christ loved the church. That does not mean we should give up. Instead we should repent, and to make a start below are two of the most basic sins we husbands commit and some humble suggestions of solutions:

  1. Selfish Love. So often we love our wives so as to bring maximum comfort to ourselves. How many of us, when getting a snack on our romantic evening together, do a quick size calculation before giving our wives their “half?” Even our best attempts at love have twinges of selfishness. The solution is not a greater affection for our wives, but rather a greater affection for the Lord. It is in our proper understanding of the work of Christ and the greatness of his forgiveness for us that our expression will change. Only when we love our Savior more will we, as husbands, show honor to the woman as the weaker vessel (1 Pet. 3:7). The solution to selfish love is selfless love, the kind of love that shows you love your wife as Christ loved the church.
  2. Spiritual Abdication. Most of us understand the need to provide materially for our wives. Scripture gives a very different emphasis. Instead of material provisions the Bible speaks of spiritual provision. We are to be used by the Holy Spirit as sanctifying agents in our marriage. We are to cleanse our wives with “the washing of water with the word,” (Eph. 5:26) in order that they would grow spiritually. To perform this task something greater than our words is needed. We need to set God’s word before our wives. We may fail to read Scripture to our wives because they ask difficult questions, or because we would rather watch the latest episode of our favorite TV show. The Bible calls us back again: Husbands, wash your wives with the word of God. Make that commitment to read just a little more of God’s word. It does not need to be profound. You just need to read. If she asks a question you cannot answer, beg for time and find the answer.

If, by the grace of the Holy Spirit, we might grow in our spiritual earnestness how much better our marriages might be. We may even be convinced of the selfishness of our love.

My Mouth Says Yes, My Body Says No

burden

If I were to ask you what my favorite snack is, would you know? Of course not. But there is a way to find out. The solution is to get me in a room full snacks and see which bowl I head toward first. If I claim to love banana cream pie but instead spend all my time at the Doritos bowl you will disregard my previous claim. My actions confirm the trustworthiness of my words. What we do clarifies, and sometimes re-defines, what we say.

Family. Much of our instruction as parents is validated, or invalidated, by the decisions we make around our children. For example, most Christian parents have good intentions to teach their children to love God. But what value are we communicating to our children’s hearts when we neglect corporate worship to attend an event of our own choosing like a music recital, sports event or hunting trip. Our instruction may be, “Love God, no matter what,” but our actions say, “Love God if you don’t have a better offer.”

Marriage. No matter how often we tell our wives we love them, our actions can undo all those words. If you do not believe me, test the hypothesis: try making your wedding anniversary the same as every other day. Do not mention the special nature of the day, no flowers or chocolates, no special date. Instead encourage her to wash your car and fold that special shirt you wear when you go golfing with the guys. Your wife’s response would be both predictable and justified. You may be saying “I love you,” with your words, but by your actions you are saying, “I do not care anything about you whatsoever.”

Church. In the Presbyterian Church in America, membership vows include a promise to support the church in its worship and work. As a pastor, I’ve never met anyone who would take umbrage with this part of their vows. Yet why are churches’ evening services so poorly attended? Our words may say, “I’m committed,” but our actions say, “I’ll come 50% of the time.”

God. Perhaps the primary relationship that sits over all the previously mentioned ones is our relationship with God. As Christians, we profess faith in Christ’s work alone as the securing action of our redemption. Flowing from this redemption is God’s charge to “be holy, for I am holy.” (Cf. 1 Pet. 1:16). God in his word defines what it means to be set apart, dedicated in love to the Lord. The problem, of course, is our sin. Sin says, “I love myself more than I love God.” No matter the transgression, our action confirms love for self. Our only solution is to cry out to the Lord for deliverance. And having been delivered we must begin again learning to match our actions to our words through the power of the God at work it us (Phil. 2:12-13).

Preparing Your Children for the Courtroom

gavel

“Do not bear false witness…” It sounds so legal. Do we really have to prepare our children for the courtroom? Well, in a sense yes. As parents we are called to teach our children diligently throughout our day, to love God’s word. So, as parents, we are preparing our children for the courtroom by teaching them the importance of the truth. Our level of commitment in this area may greatly influence them should they stand in a courtroom one day.

In the Bible, God is identified as the truth. Jesus teaches his disciples he “is the way, and the truth, and the life.” (John 14:6, ESV). Our false witness bearing, therefore, is really an attack on the character of God. It is possible we are permitting such attacks in our homes. Let’s look at a few possible ways this happens and some suggested remedies.

  1. Tattling. One form of false-witness bearing shows up as soon as children can talk: tattling. When a child tattles he does not necessarily speak lies, but his primary concern is not truth. The heart attitude behind tattling is one of delighting in someone’s affliction, whether justified or not. What we will want to teach our children is a love for truth. To use the truth for sinful purposes represents a corruption of something beautiful. Instead help your children find opportunities to help, encourage, and build up others.
  2. Lying. Lying is a deliberate misrepresentation of the truth. Our children might lie to look impressive, get out of trouble, or for a number of other reasons. Lying says, “I will preserve and further myself.” I have always found a child’s lie a particularly painful experience in parenting because it reveals our child’s heart. Avoiding trouble is more important to them in those moments than truth and trust. The antidote is to model honesty to your children, to praise them when they tell the truth, and require them to be honest. All lies, no matter how small they may seem, matter. Do not permit them in your home.
  3. Deception. Deception is almost identical to lying. The only difference is that, in deception, the person acts rather than speaks. For example, the child who smuggles books, food or other contraband into bed. At root, the intention of lying and deception is the same: to mask truth to further our agenda. As parents we cannot permit our children to keep their contraband. But don’t miss the opportunity to look into the window the deceiver has given you into his heart: their personal pleasure is more important to them than honoring God.

Our children will, at times, make decisions that disappoint and hurt us. Though painful, their actions should not be surprising. They, like we, are sinners. It is our job to disciple our children through these sinful decisions. We are to lead them in a pursuit of God through Christ who is the way, the truth and the life.

Feeling, Stealing and Healing

broken doorhandles

When we think about stealing we usually begin with the assumption that one man takes what belongs to another without permission. But perhaps we should back up a little. Perhaps we should begin with the knowledge that all things belong to God. That would mean, ultimately, that stealing is taking that which God gave to another and making it our own. In other words, theft is a man-centered rebellion against God’s distribution of his possessions. This understanding makes the offense a bit weightier and in need of our attention.

The Westminster Shorter Catechism, a 17th century doctrinal summary of what the Bible teaches, states the positive requirements of the commandment not to steal as the “lawful procuring and furthering the wealth and outward estate of ourselves and others.” (WSC #74). What are some ways we allow our children to violate this commandment right under our noses?

  1. Taking without asking. Seems obvious, but so much of it happens in such a mundane way. Taking food without asking, appropriating mom and dad’s favorite wardrobe items, playing with toys. These are all be examples of theft. Hardly the equivalent of grand theft auto, but theft nonetheless.
  2. Cheating. The more common forms of cheating in parenting will deal with school and games. When our children cheat on tests, they are using a short-cut. They are stealing the time it took another person to study and trying to reap their benefits. Cheating in board-games and sports means the “thief” tries to further his own outward estate without abiding by the laws of the game.
  3. Manipulation. The manipulator is a creative thief. They convince someone to hand over their possessions. However, the reason behind their behavior is the same. When our children convince a younger sibling to trade a “little” dime for a “huge” nickel, the aggressor wants that dime. The problem for him is that it was either not given to him, or he did not work to earn it. Instead of applying proper work to obtain his own dime, the child uses a slight-of-hand approach.
  4. Emotional Theft. Perhaps one of our children has competed in a race and won. He comes exuberantly to show his ribbon. If his sibling’s response is to say, “You weren’t even close to the record,” or “Last year I ran this race faster,” they are stealing joy or delight from their brother or sister. This kind of behavior also manifests itself if a child is in the middle of an exciting story and the brother or sister jumps in right before the climax and finishes it off for them.

So now what? Parenting is never done well from a couch or an armchair. It requires action, wisdom, authority and time, and lots of it. Make sure your children understand the implications of the commandment not to steal. If they do, teach them to restore what they have taken, if that is possible. But also spend time giving them the opportunity to be generous and willing to share.

Parents Pay Attention: Modesty, Self-Control & Entertainment

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Adultery. It is a prominent theme in the entertainment and fashion of our culture. I do not mean that every TV show or movie is about adultery, but adultery is part of most entertainment we see. Maybe not physical adultery, but sexual innuendos, provocative dress, unbridled passion between unmarried people… They all feed into a spirit of adultery.

Christians understand the Bible forbids adultery. It clearly condemns the physical kind in Exodus 20:15. Jesus broadens the application of the 7th commandment when he says, “You have heard that it was said, ‘You shall not commit adultery.’ But I say to you that everyone who looks at a woman with lustful intent has already committed adultery with her in his heart.” (Matt. 5:27-28). These words turn adultery from an exclusively physical act into something found also in our thoughts and motivations. Our culture’s constant portrayal of adultery as something normal can easily take root in us, let alone our children. So what guidance can we give them to help conform their minds to Christ instead of the world?

  1. Teach Your Daughters to Dress Modestly. I know there is disagreement as to what is modest and provocative when it comes to dress. However, we should not therefore assume that everything is modest. Let me offer a solution. Look at the headlines of the fashion magazines. Many are explicitly geared toward a woman’s sexual appeal to men. They are trying to help their readers achieve these headlines in part through fashion. So, if my daughter has a “look” resembling what is in those magazines, she is wearing clothing designed to achieve sexual appeal. This clothing violates the 7th commandment by inviting lust.
  2. Teach Your Sons to Respect Women. People critical of discussions on modesty often ask the following question: “Why is the responsibility for keeping the 7th commandment always the girls’?” They make a very good point. In Jesus’ Sermon on the Mount the assumption is that you do not have to look lustfully. It is a choice, and a sinful one at that. Teach your sons to respect the ladies they meet. Teach them to look them in the eye, to be sincerely interested in them as people, and to delight in serving them. The “oogler” violates the 7th commandment by practicing lust.
  3. Control Your Family Entertainment Mediums. In parenting, we are trying to help our children think according to God’s word. We will not be able to compete with a billion dollar industry when it comes to presentation. Be wise. Just because it’s on and keeps our children occupied does not mean it is godly or good. Parental laziness violates the 7th commandment by not protecting our children from lustful thought patterns.

What are we hoping to accomplish in our homes? We are charged by God to show our children what it means to love him. Let us be diligent, not surrendering our children’s minds to the patterns of this world.