Does How I Parent Matter?

holding hands

Everyone in the world has one foundational relationship: the relationship with his parents. Only Adam and Eve did not have parents. The rest of us, for better or worse, have them. I want to consider this relationship from the perspective of the parents today.

The parental perspective of this relationship will be different from the child’s based on the role God has designed for them. Our function in any relationship is always governed by our role. For example, when you work for someone you understand your boss sets the rules and you follow. In parenting we are simply trying to define the role of the parent in the parent-child relationship.

One of the key passages in understanding the parental role can be found in Deuteronomy 6:6-9. In this passage we see parenting is not the passing on of intellectual concepts, but rather training our children in knowing how to live in a way that honors God. This idea is also at the heart of Paul’s instruction to parents in Ephesians 6:4: bring up our children in the discipline and instruction of the Lord. Another way to say is that the instruction found in the commandments of the Bible is what disciples our children. Our job is to pass them on.

The question I want to ask is, “What are some of the ways we fail in our biblical role as parents?”

  1. By not praying for our children. If we think we will, by our best efforts, be able to parent our children, we are greatly mistaken. Instead we are dependent entirely on God and should acknowledge that by prayer.
  2. By not doing ourselves what we would require of our children. “Do as I say and not as I do.” is never a good parenting philosophy. Your actions place a value on your instruction.
  3. By being inconsistent in our requirements. If we parent based on our mood, we will be inconsistent. We require respect toward mom & dad, but not toward siblings. There must be an objective standard for parent and child: the Bible.
  4. By not insisting that our children follow our leadership. Do not let your children turn biblical roles in the parent-child relationship upside down by making them autonomous before they are ready. Insist they follow you. They may be cute, you may have to teach them (many times), and you may have to stop what you are doing to address and/or correct them, but lead them, do not follow them.
  5. By not planning ahead in our parenting. I used to think parenting was just a day-to-day reaction to circumstances. 21 years, and 10 children later, I can tell you: I’ve never been more wrong. Your job is to train your children in the discipline and instruction of the Lord. It needs a plan.

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