Category Archives: Parenting

10 Commandments, Christian Living, church, Man, Parenting, sabbath

Practical Helps for Honoring the Lord’s Day in Family

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We live in a time when the idea of Sabbath rest is almost entirely disregarded. That is certainly true “out there” in the big bad world. Shopping malls, restaurants, and sporting venues have some of their busiest days on the day that should be reserved for the Lord. At this point, the very notion of commerce ceasing for one day of the week is completely foreign. But it will be of the great benefit of the church to stand against this cultural trend and reclaim this great blessing instituted by God.

From creation, the Lord of glory has set apart one day in seven that His creatures might rejoice worship. I have written in other places about the biblical establishment of the Lord’s Day. This article aims at something different: to encourage and help those Christians who are seeking to honor the Lord and His Day.

North American society no longer provides any aids to this end, which is a fairly recent change in the overall scope of history. I spent twenty-four years of my life living in Canada (1985-2009). In my experience it is, in many ways, a more secular and progressive nation than the United States. But I remember driving by the shopping malls when my family moved there in 1985. The parking lots were empty and the stores were closed on Sunday. Social pressure was exerted on businesses in the form of fines to give one day of rest. The desire to worship the Lord on this one day was long gone, but there was still societal support for those who desired to rest and enjoy God’s blessing. That societal protection is now long gone, both in Canada and the United States. It has been replaced with stores who will not hire people who do not have availability on Sunday, all major sports holding their major championship matches on the Lord’s Day, and a general sense of befuddlement as to why anyone would want to forfeit time for recreation and business for something as quaint as going to church.

Even in churches there is even less and less support for preserving the Lord’s Day. This article is aimed at those within the Church who desire to arrest this slide, beginning in their own homes. The first aim is to outline what must be avoided, and the second is to give ideas for what can be done to promote a joyful Lord’s Day celebration in the church for the good of God’s people.

Things to Be Avoided

The basic call of the Sabbath is to set aside person secular employment and free others for their labor (Exodus 20:8-11). There is an additional expectation that the Sabbath be kept with a spirit of delight in the Lord (Isaiah 58:13-14). But there are certain things that should be avoided because they “grease the wheels” for the temptation to forsake the Lord’s Day.

Making Keeping the Lord’s Day Optional

Habits are often associated with a cold, disinterested hypocrisy. However, the consistency that comes with a habit is really just the internal structure that allows people to pursue the things that are important to them. An example from every day life is weight loss. How many diets provide promises of transformation change only to fail because the habits of the dieter have not been changed? Too many “cheat days” undermine any kind of meaningful progress, or when goals have been achieved the draw of unhealthy foods erase what has been gained. To be at a healthy weight remains the goal, but the inconsistencies make it difficult to achieve it in any meaningful way. So it is with the Lord’s Day.

One of the central distinguishing marks of the Lord’s Day is the call to gather with other Christians in worship. Lack of consistency often undermines that central tenet. A particular circumstance convinces the Christian that just this once it is good to work, stay home from church, or in some other way ignore the fourth commandment. Perhaps there is a pressing deadline or a promising new client who needs something done right away. Perhaps family has come into town for a weekend visit. There are many reasons that can be given for a spiritual “cheat day.” And yet to indulge them is to cut our own feet out from under us. There are works of necessity and mercy that can and should be performed on the Lord’s Day. However, most excuses do not rise to that level. And by making the Lord’s Day optional by neglecting worship for one excuse is to make it easier for excuses to multiply.

Speaking Ill of the Lord’s Day

In families, speech plays an important part in how family members view this day. The way a father speaks about Sunday will shape the way his children think of it. If he complains about the things he does not get to do because of the Lord’s Day, children will be predisposed to think of the Sabbath as an obstruction rather than a blessing. It is right instead to speak of the Lord’s Day as time given to pursue what is out of reach on the other six days due to other responsibilities. It is a day of works of piety where the soul is built up and prepared for what is demanded of the Christian from Monday to Saturday.

If there are complaints of the heart, do nto give them voice. Ask that God would change you so you would delight in the Lord’s Day. Bring your heart in submission to the command of Scripture that you might rejoice in the blessings of worship, physical rest, and heavenly anticipation. Your words will follow suit.

Making the Lord’s Day a Drudgery

The activities of the Lord’s Day should match the words used to describe it. It can be repeated a thousand times that the Lord’s Day is a blessing, but if experience doesn’t match those words those statements will be rejected as false. Do not give occasion for the devil to whisper to your family that the Lord’s Day is not a blessing, but a bore. That is not the same thing as saying that the whims of the human heart must be satisfied for the sake of a positive outlook on the Sabbath. It is saying that for the Christian the Sabbath is to be a delight, and that should be matched in the joyful activities of this day. Rather than a day focused on prohibitions, it should be a day where there are special joys. Do not make it hard for young ones to see that this day is wonderful.

Things to Be Done

There are plenty of other cautions over what not to do, however there should also be consideration of positive activities that can protect this day and the blessing it brings.

Live for the Lord the other Six Days

Hypocrisy is the great turn-off for those who have to live under it. Parental influence regarding the Lord’s Day can be obliterated by hypocrisy. The question answered by a person’s conduct is this: does he really mean it. When it comes to children, words are necessary, but easily undermined. Claims about biblical holiness are denied in deed. Parental example given the other six days of the week will either affirm or deny instruction given about the Lord’s Day. Christianity is not a one-day-per-week proposition and that must be modelled. Christianity is the life of the born-again believer who knows the extent and cost of Christ’s work of salvation for him. It is the life of a thankful, rescued soul. And that kind of life cannot be faked.

Making the Day Special

The Sabbath is the most special of all days because it uniquely permits man to do the things he will do in heaven. Worship is to be the delight of this day, but there are other ways to cultivate a joyful attitude toward the Lord’s Day. If it is the most special day of the week, there are additional ways of marking it as such.

    • Busy parents can give their undivided attention to family. Special family memories can be built through family walks, playing games, and other good things. It does not take away from the Lord’s Day to build Christian fellowship within the family.
    • Hospitality encourages the communion of the saints. In heaven worship is a corporate event, not a private one. The saints are to be the delight of the Christian, and that is fostered through hospitality. It allows children to build relationships with others that makes them delight in the going to the church. They are meeting their friends there.
    • Children are stimulated by discussions about the big questions of life. Especially as children get older, they are interested in the thorny ethical problems, theological controversies, or issues where the world and the Christian are at odds.
    • Songs should be sung in the home that prepare the family for participation in worship. For little ones, memorized songs are one of the few ways they can actively participate in worship. It is good to provide them with those opportunities to break up an otherwise long service.
Praising the Lord for His Day

Verbalizing the privilege of the Lord’s Day is good for the soul. To delight in the Lord is to delight in His worship. There is one day in seven that reminds the Christian of that central delight. Contentment is expressed by praise to the Lord for the gift of rest. Words of praise could be spoken dishonestly which is obviously wrong. But words of praise spoken truthfully are a great help to remembering that the Lord’s Day is not to be cast aside.

The Lord’s Day is to be a delight. A day set apart to remind the Christian that God exists and that He is to be worshiped. However much the world may desire to eliminate that memorial day, the Christian must fight to maintain it. It is a safeguard for him against the movements away from religion and personal holiness.

Pastor Geoff Gleason
Cliffwood Presbyterian Church

 

Belief about God, Children, church, ordinary means of grace, Parenting

Experiencing Worship with Children

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Lately I’ve been preaching through the “kingdom psalms” (Psalms 93-100). These psalms include as their common theme a call to worship God. That theme got me thinking about Christian parents leading their families to worship. No one is exempt from challenges in leading their family in worship at church. So how can parents live faithfully before God in this area? How can parents responsibly lead their families to meet with God and His people in worship? Those questions could be addressed by sharing information, or it could examine the experience of worship in families.

In this article there will not simply be a consideration of knowledge. Knowledge is crucial to the Christian life. Normally in adults life is a progressive movement from knowledge in the head to belief in the heart to expression with the hands. However, in children parental example is integral to form assumptions in the minds of children. These can have a lasting impact on the way they will understand life as adults. So rather than considering what facts children should know about worship, this article looks at parental leadership and example and how it informs an understanding of worship in children before they may even understand all that is happening. I will begin with a parent’s negative example.

  1. The Impact of Neglecting Worship

There are many reasons why people for a season excuse themselves from worship. Some of them are legitimate, some are understandable but not helpful, and some are simply bad reasons. The latter two will have unwanted negative results in children.

First, there are legitimate reasons. These include suffering an illness, or caring for someone else who is, employment in areas of mercy and necessity. Nurses, doctors, nursing home staff performing necessary medical service to the sick and elderly does nothing to neglect the call to worship, but actually compliments it. There other such reasons, but these legitimate reasons will in no way be a negative example to children.

Second, there are understandable reasons that are not helpful. There are times when, as a pastor, I sympathetically understand why folks stay away from worship. But when I talk to them, I counsel them to be present at worship because it is actually more helpful to them. For example, a person who has suffered a trauma in his life such as the passing of a loved one, or an embarrassing confession of sin may be tempted to stay away. Perhaps the difficulty of repeatedly answering the same painful questions seems too much to handle. These struggling brothers and sisters should be encouraged by the spirit of gentleness displayed by the saints (Gal. 6:1) and welcomed in the church.

However, when worship is neglected in these circumstances, it teaches a lesson for watching children. They see parents worshiping God when things are going well, but when hardship comes worship is withdrawn. They see people looking for comfort and encouragement away from the people of God in their most pressing needs. And yet, the Bible teaches that all circumstances come from the Lord, and so His worship should not be neglected on account of hardship.

Third, there are bad reasons to neglect worship. These reasons include preferring time to visit with friends or family who are in-town for the week-end, catching up on needed work around the house, and so on. The unnecessary neglect of corporate worship is a significant disconnect with a Christian profession of faith. Psalm 122:1 presents the heart of the Christian when it comes to worship: “I was glad when they said to me, ‘Let us go to the house of the Lord!’” (English Standard Version). But for the watching eyes of children, parents who stay away from worship teach children a detrimental lesson with unpredictable consequences.

Using the example of neglecting worship for time with family and friends, parents in that moment teach the child, perhaps unintentionally, that family is more important than God. I do not know Christian parents who would say that, but their actions at time establish that. The choice has been presented and God has not been preferred. And once that choice has been presented as a legitimate option, the parent will have no grounds to object to the preference of personal choice in any other area. Children may apply the same choice to recreation, work, or other things. In that scenario, actions have spoken and the lesson is clearly taught.

  1. A Valuable Lesson to Be Taught by Being Present in Worship

But parents do come to worship. They do set a positive example by being present at church, which has positive practical consequences. Broadly speaking, participating in worship gives children a healthy understanding of their importance compared to God.  An important aspect of being a well-adjusted person is the correct understanding of personal importance. In today’s self-help secular parenting world, children are often raised to think they are uniquely special. Their needs are to be met, and their opinions are to be respected and maybe even followed. Of course, it is good to make sure children know they are precious to their parents. But that affirmation should have limits. No child is more precious that God. And so, it is good for children to learn there are moments where their personal preferences and desires must “take a back seat.” Worship is one of those moments. What parents allow and forbid as part of worship prepares a child to recognize that he and God are not peers, which has further implications for all of life. Parents can set prohibitions and requirements to aid in learning that lesson.

First, children should not be an unnecessary distraction in worship. The church has gathered to focus on the Lord, not to focus on children. Therefore, no child should be allowed to make himself the focus either by excessive noise, disobedience, or turning around in the seat and entertaining the people sitting behind. When a child is not able to be in church without becoming a distraction, he should not remain. Perhaps there is a quick fix that can happen in the foyer of the church. Perhaps more training is necessary in the home to prepare a child to sit still. If the church has a nursery, parents should take advantage. Parents themselves should then assess together what is missing that would enable their child to be part of corporate worship. It is not always easy to discern, however a constant parade in and out of a service to correct a wayward child, indicates that child may not be ready to sit in church. Not only will both parent and child not participate in worship, most likely the people around them will not either. And that is to miss the purpose for coming together. Do not misunderstand. As a pastor, I am glad to hear the noises of a child learning to adjust himself to worship. The loud, off-key singing is great. The out-loud answer to rhetorical questions in the sermon often puts the adults to shame. Even the restless wiggles being brought under control should not distract a person who has come to worship. But there is a point when a child becomes an unhealthy distraction.

Second, children should not be permitted to act on every impulse they have during worship. The two main culprits in this regard are probably requests from children for drinks of water and going to the bathroom. Dealing with requests for drinks of water is by far the easier of the two. From a practical standpoint, it is highly unlikely that your child will not survive the remaining 30 minutes of a service without a drink of water. Requests for a visit to the bathroom carry with them a greater sense of risk. However, just a little bit of thinking ahead can even alleviate the urgency of this question. Parents can require a visit to the facilities before the service starts. That requires attentiveness from the parents and perhaps a couple of calculated but risky refusals.

In reality, children asking about bathrooms and water fountains are probably looking for a reprieve from sitting still more than presenting an actual need. But whatever the case, here parents have an opportunity to practically demonstrate that the child is not as important as the worship of God. A parent may say, “No son. We are here to worship the Lord. You can wait for a drink until we are done.” That refusal demonstrates to the child that their impulse for a drink or simply to move around does not outweigh or supersede the call to glorify God in the context of the gathered worship of His people.

Third, children should be prepared to participate in worship. Some preparation will happen through the accumulation of experience in worship. The week-in, week-out participation in Sunday worship will make children relax and enable them to join in. However, there are also some proactive things that can be done at home. For churches which recite creeds or the Lord’s Prayer corporately, children can be helped in committing them to memory. Once memorized they will be able to participate. Parents can insist that older children participate in the songs of the church and give them a little pro-active “coaching.” Perhaps it is as simple as, “Remember, we are going to worship the Lord today, and I want to see you singing along with the rest of the people.” Parents can also provide ways to help children listen to preaching. Children can be encouraged to write down a few notes of things they heard the pastor say. However, be careful that this tool is not allowed to cause the child to tune out what is said as he develops his favorite cartoon characters. In all these ways, children can be shown the privilege of worshiping God. And the aim is not just quiet children, but those who respect worship and, more significantly, participate in it.

All parents have failed in leading their family in worship. Some have been too lacks, others too strict. But past failures should not excuse a renewed commitment around healthy expectations in our families regarding the worship God. Parental instruction or example should not undermine the supremacy of God, and where parents have allowed that to happen, adjustments should be made. That is no cause for shame or embarrassment. It is a necessary and on-going correction that all people must at times make. It is part of their own sanctification and their responsibility to present their children to the Lord for worship.

Children, Christian Living, church, Parenting

Children in Church

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One of the advantages of having your children with you during the worship service is that you will sing the same songs, pray the same prayers, and hear the same sermon preached. Sharing in this kind of worship is crucial to the inter-generational health of the church. There are many people who have written about the benefit of including children in worship. This article is not meant to rehearse those points. Instead, it is meant to discuss how you can ensure your child is able to participate in worship without distracting others from worship.

The first thing to note is that children must be taught to participate in worship at home. If you try to teach your children to worship God when you are at church, you will fail. Not only does your child quickly recognize that he has you in a hostage situation (that’s right, they think in those terms), you also will not be able to teach and direct them in the moment. What you will have is a recipe for a frustrated and maybe even exasperated parent. Just yesterday my youngest son who is 3 years old cried out when mom thought she had to be an emergency fill-in at the piano. That incident was a good reminder that we have more work to do with that little guy. But that training should not begin at church. Instead, train your children at home to prepare them to participate in corporate worship. Some suggestions:

Teach your children the songs of your church. It doesn’t matter if you are part of a church that sings contemporary songs, or one that has convictions of singing only psalms. Most of us will probably be somewhere in between. Wherever you are on the spectrum, make sure you are teaching your children the songs that are sung at your church. Pick the ones sung most often first and build a repertoire. If you are not a good singer, find the songs on YouTube or buy CDs with the songs on them. Children can learn songs quickly. Knowing the songs of the church will allow them to participate in the worship of the church.

Teach your children the prayers of your church. In the congregation I serve, we recite the Lord’s Prayer every Sunday. If your church has something similar, it is good for your children to know the Lord’s Prayer, or whatever else it may be. That means parents must teach them this prayer at home. It is true. They will probably be saying some words they do not completely understand. However, when your children are young complete comprehension is not the goal. Rather it is to teach them that they belong to the church. They must learn they are part of the body, and so they must see themselves participating in the body. Certainly that goal changes as they get older.

Teach your children to sit still without any external stimuli. Children are easily distracted in church. Some will hone their drawing skills. Others will be entertained with iPads. Parents are likely trying to achieve a measure of order through these devices. But there is a better way. As parents you must instill in your children the ability to listen. That means you must find opportunities at home to teach your children the skills they need to participate in worship.

For example, when you read the Bible together as a family, teach your children to sit still. That means no coloring or doodling, no iPad or iPhone to keep them quiet. Just sitting and listening. That is all. For the little ones do not make this time too long. Do so in short stints of 5 minutes or less. You may need to hold them on your lap. You may tell them that now is not the time to play but to listen. But you must require their compliance and accept nothing less than compliance. When your children are older you should be able to explain what you are trying to accomplish. That will give your children the skills to participate in worship. And then when your children hear something in the song or sermon or Bible reading and smile up at you knowingly, you smile at them, affirm them in their listening, and continue to lead them toward Christ at home.

By training giving your children the right knowledge and skills, you will give them opportunities to participate in the most important aspect of the life of the church: the worship of God. But to help your children see this benefit you must teach them at home first. And from the home they can be a welcome part of the life of the church.

Bible, Children, Christian Living, Family Worship, Marriage, Parenting, Uncategorized, worship

Worship at Home

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This mini-series began by taking exception with the prevalent understanding of worship as that part of the church service in which we sing, or hear, moving and inspiring songs. But worship is the humbling of the creature before his Maker and Redeemer through faithful service to him as the only One deserving of such adoration. Because our worship is about the glory of God rather than our emotional experiences, worship is central in all of life. Last installment we looked at worship as it relates to the workplace. Today we will consider worship in our homes.

Family worship, is more complicated than workplace worship. We are usually not charged with the spiritual oversight of our co-workers or employees. Our worship in the workplace deals primarily with our expression of thanks to God in our daily employment. However, in our homes we are responsible for others. Parents are to raise their children “in the discipline and instruction of the Lord.” (Eph. 6:4, ESV). Husbands are to sacrificially lead their wives toward purity “by the washing of water with the word,” (Eph. 5:26, ESV). Family worship is not an individual matter, but includes a corporate element.

This corporate aspect can create additional challenges, because man cannot change the heart of another person. Putting our confidence in a methodology shows a trusting of men to do the work he cannot do. Instead fathers must cultivate in themselves a trust and faithfulness toward God’s plan for family worship. He has not called you to profundity, and yet this is usually the cause of stumbling. Men often want to make spiritual leadership profound, and when they fail to do so, abandon the project in disappointment. But God does not call you to be profound. He simply calls you to be faithful.

That means that, in your role as father and husband, your most important task is to read and teach God’s word. Some rarely gifted individuals can make these lessons profound every time. However, what is more important is that your children hear the instruction of the Lord, which is found in the Bible. You are the prophet of your home, declaring: “Thus says the Lord…” and trusting that as the rain comes down from heaven, so shall God’s word not return void (Isaiah 55:10-11) but accomplish all that God purposes either for judgement or for mercy. The more you practice this discipline, the more familiar you will become with God’s promises and requirements, and the easier it will be to make applications to your own family. However, priority number one is to establish a habit of reading God’s word in your home.

Outside the home, attendance at the corporate worship services of your local congregation will also lead the souls in your family. Leading your family in sitting under the faithful preaching of the word will make a strong statement to your children. It says to your children, “The worship on God and the preaching of his word is the one thing our family will never neglect, no matter what everyone else may be doing.”

The reading of the word at home and the preaching of the word at church are not innovations given to us by man. They are instructions given by God to his people. To lead our families in worship, we must always be grounded not in our own profundity, but on the omniscient and good instructions that come to us from God himself in the Bible.

Bible, Children, Man, Parenting, Sin

When to Say “I’m Sorry”

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offended

The arrival of our first child often makes us doubt the theological accuracy of the sinfulness of man…for a couple of months. It does not take long before the addition of another sinner into our family to, in fact, clearly reveals the sin that is bound up in every person’s heart. Our little ones never have to be taught to rebel against mom and dad. As soon as they are mobile they begin asserting their own wills and when it runs counter to ours, the mentality is often: “Too bad for you, dad!” If the Lord blesses us with more than one child, these transgressions begin accumulate and pile up, and we must learn to deal with them. To navigate these waters it is important to understand the difference between saying “I’m sorry,” and asking forgiveness.

To say “I’m sorry,” is to make a statement of regret. It is an acknowledgment that we have caused something to happen and we wish we had not. In this statement of regret something is missing: acknowledgement of guilt. That which is lacking forms a proper gauge for when this expression should be used. Not all actions effecting others are sinful. For example, when we are holding a cup and it slips out of our hand and shatters on the ground, we were not being careless neither was breaking the cup our intention. It was an accident. A simple “I’m sorry honey. I’ll clean it up,” is a sufficient response. In other words, we say we are sorry when we accidentally do something do another person. However, there are times when saying “I’m sorry,” is not adequate. In fact, to say “I’m sorry,” in response to sin actually tries to minimize the sinful intent of our behavior.

One of the things that must be present in dealing with sinful behavior is an acknowledgment of guilt. In Psalm 32, David is dealing with the right process of confessing sin to God. He does not tell us to tell God of our regret, but says the following: “I acknowledged my sin to you, and I did not cover my iniquity; I said ‘I will confess my transgressions to the Lord,’ and you forgave the iniquity of my sin.” David acknowledges his specific sins to the Lord and waits for his forgiveness. The same process is set before us in 1 John 1:9: “If we confess our sins, he is  faithful and just to forgive us our sins and  to cleanse us from all unrighteousness.” What is true in our relationship with God is also true in human relationships. When we have willfully sinned against our wife, or children, we should acknowledge our sinful ways to them and wait for them to grant forgiveness. We have to admit that we did exactly as we intended at that moment, and ask that they would graciously set our sin against them to the side.

In the conflicts in our homes this distinction is important. Too often our children will be content to express regret in saying “I’m sorry,” without any acknowledgment of guilt in asking forgiveness. We must teach our children to follow the right biblical pattern when it comes to addressing sin between them and God and them and people. Have them acknowledge their guilt before the one they offended, and wait for them to forgive. This process impresses what true repentance is on our children instead of minimizing their sin by allowing them only to express regret.

10 Commandments, Belief about God, Bible, Children, Man, Parenting, Sanctification, Sin

Cultivating My Child’s Covetous Heart

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“A man is given to covetousness when he overloads himself with worldly business…(H)e has scarce time to eat his meat, but no time to pray.” (Thomas Watson, The Ten Commandments, 176)

Last article we saw how a covetous spirit is evidenced in us when we begin to neglect the spiritual aspect of living in pursuit of the common, or worldly. When we begin neglecting our private or corporate worship these are clear signs that we are longing more for the things of this world than for fellowship with God. But we are not only responsible for our own covetous desires. We also bear some responsibility to those who live around us. In no relationship is that responsibility more obvious than between parents and children. And yet, however well-intentioned we may be, there are ways we, as parents, contribute to a spirit of covetousness in our children.

  1. Failure to teach contentment. It is difficult to teach contentment in our western culture. Our children are constantly being bombarded with commercials and catalogues which encourage them to want just a little bit more than they already have. From our children’s perspective, every commercial and catalogue will present them with something they “need” rather than just “want.” 1 Tim. 6:6-10 clearly teaches a love for the riches of this world is destructive. The apostle’s list of needs is quite small: food and clothing. We have to teach this truth to our children and show them how grateful we are for what God has already provided. We can do so by speaking about how the Lord has blessed us beyond measure. This action may seem insignificant, but it will make a big impact.
  2. Failure to teach our children to love the heavenly things. So much of what we model to our children is caught rather than taught. We can constantly tell our children they need to set their eyes on the things above, but unless our actions corroborate this teaching, our children will learn to ignore our words and look simply to our actions. We have to model being heavenly minded in our work and play. We have to lead our children in faithfully study and practice of God’s word. We have to lead our children to value the Lord more than anything else including the fleeting riches of this world.
  3. Failure to restrain the lusts of their flesh. When we give our children unbridled access to their heart’s desire, we are training them to direct all their energy to the pursuit of those things. It could be sports, arts, play time, book learning, or anything else. As parents it is our God-given responsibility to set limits for our children. If our children are always allowed to pursue their own desires, this pattern of behavior will follow them into adulthood. If we insist our children participate in the work of running the family, cheer for their siblings’ successes, do special things for their mother on Mothers’ Day and a host of other options, they will understand they are not the center of the universe, a helpful disposition to encourage contentment rather than covetousness.

Covetousness is one of the great sins of our time. And it will show up in our hearts and our children’s hearts. However we do not have to encourage them in this regard. Instead let us set them a healthy example which they can follow as their little hearts are shaped and molded by the Holy Spirit.

Bible, Children, Family Worship, Gospel, Man, Parenting, Sanctification

Vices and Virtues

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Chess

One important task carried out in Christian homes is family worship. Leading our families in the worship of God and study of his word is one of the main ways the Lord shapes for himself the next generation of his church. However, there are some ways we, as parents, can become unbalanced in our family worship. One way would be to constantly be setting the prohibitions of Scripture before our children. In this kind of family worship our children only know what they should not do. The accompanying confusion should neither surprise or please us. Another way we become unbalanced is to teach our children only one part of our redemption: justification. The grace of the gospel is a far greater blessing than simply God’s declaration of our righteousness. But if justification by faith alone through grace alone is all our children hear, they may fail to recognize the duties God requires of us as his children. There is a very simple way to avoid this mistake: teach your children the Bible’s vices and virtues.

When we teach our children about the vices of Scripture, we teach them of man’s sinful nature and depravity. For example, in the parable of the Pharisee and the tax collector in Luke 18:9-14, we can teach our children the vice of self-righteousness in the Pharisee. Then we help them see it in our own family. We confess our self-righteousness and show them theirs so they would recognize who they are: sinners in need of deliverance both from the guilt and dominion of sin. We should teach our children how they ought not to live. We should tell them: “Christians should not do these things because it displeases the Lord who bought us with a price.” However, to leave our teaching there may unnecessarily discourage our children because they see nothing of the grace of God. We must also teach them the virtues.

When we teach our children about the virtues of Scripture, we teach them of God’s grace. Going back again to the above-mentioned parable, we would hold out the humility of the tax collector as commendable. God is gracious not only to free us from the guilt of our sin, but also to free us from its dominion. We are no longer slaves to the pride of our own lives. He has given us hearts that are able to will and act according to his good pleasure (Cf. Phil. 2:13). The virtues of Scripture remind us that we have been set free: free to do all that which gives glory to God.

In our times of family worship, we should make sure our children recognize they are not okay as they are. We should help them see the depths of their sin. Then we can also help them to see the grace of God which equips them to change and live for the glory of God.

Children, Man, Parenting, Sanctification, Sin

Civil War at Home

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sad boy

When we hold our newborns in our arms they look completely perfect. Even their little baby cries are cute and adorable (mind you, not at 3 a.m.). When we look at them it is difficult to imagine any sin in them at all. But when our little angel(s) grow older, original sin becomes apparent very quickly. Biblically speaking, sin and its manifestations in our children should not surprise us. As parents, we cannot eliminate sin no matter how well intentioned we may be. However, parents are called by God to work to apply biblical truth to our children’s lives. We are called to raise up our children in the fear and admonition of the Lord (Eph. 6:4). So what do we do when our children begin to argue? In family arguments there are a host of sins that our children can choose to commit. However, most of these sins can be placed in two broad categories: unkind speech and unkind action.

  1. Unkind Speech. The moment we hear unkind speech in our home we must stop the offending child. We should give a verbal rebuke to our child and remove him from the social setting. He is not able to handle to freedom in that moment. For children aged 3 and older, part of the resolution process should also involve the offender seeking forgiveness. Not a half-hearted apology, but a sincere asking for forgiveness for sinning against their brother with their unkind words. By requiring the specifics of the sin to be verbalized, our child will recognize the nature of their sin more clearly. Not only are we to correct the sin, but we are also to encourage the opposite virtue. In this case, we should help our children encourage their siblings. Point out successes of siblings and help them complement their brother. Have the family attend siblings’ sporting events and recitals and cheer for them. In other words, we should find ways to have our children’s words build up, not tear down.
  2. Unkind Action. When children stick out their tongues, hit, bite, pinch or any other physical assault that may take place in the normal course of our parenting day we should “throw the book” at our sweet little sinner: corporal punishment at a young age, or strong consequences if our children are older. Though unkind speech is certainly unacceptable, laying hands on a sibling represents a significant step along the path of sin. Instead of using their hands for destruction we want to teach our children to use them for strengthening. We should encourage our children to hold the door open for each other, or help lift up a smaller sibling when they have fallen. Teach them gentleness when the baby sibling arrives in the family. And when these opportunities arise, tell them, “This is a good way to use your hands. You are helping your brother!”

Sin should not surprise us. However, we should not allow sin to fester unaddressed in our families. We must train ourselves to correct the sin and instruct our children in the opposite virtue.

Bible, Children, Family Worship, Man, Parenting, Sanctification

Healthy Family Worship Habits

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prayer

Family worship is typically a source of much guilt for us. Not so much because of the content of what may be discussed, but rather in our neglect of it. We may read books about family worship, we may know what we are supposed to do in family worship, but we may still neglect the practice. Below are some ways family worship can become a habit in your family.

  1. Meditate often on the promises of Scripture. Family worship will be a painful chore if it does not flow from a deep love for God. A deep love for God flows from his deep love for us, summarized in his promises. So meditate on them so you would have joy in the Christian discipline of family worship.
  2. Have a plan. Without some kind of direction and purpose to your family worship, you will lack a clear message. This, in turn, will distract your children and cause you to be discouraged. And when you are discouraged…you will quit.
  3. Keep it simple. Sometimes we fathers are paralyzed by our desire to be profound. We want our family worship lesson to sound like our favorite celebrity pastor. There is a reason these men are well-known: they are uniquely gifted communicators. More significant than your infrequent profundity is your faithful daily reading of Scripture to your family. Stay within your range of gifts, and lead your family in the study of God’s pure words.
  4. Make it a routine. We live in a time when “routine” is a bad word. However, routine is very helpful in establishing habits. Choose a time when you will gather as a family to worship. In our family it has typically been around one of the family meals. Depending on our schedule for the semester, we will come together for family worship either around the breakfast or supper table. By choosing a regular time, you and your children will learn to expect the event, and miss it when it does not happen.
  5. Keep your material close at hand. If you have to rummage around your house to find your Bibles you have introduced a potential excuse. Keep all those things in a cupboard or drawer nearby. Do not tempt your own laziness by having your family worship materials in the next county.
  6. Be faithful in private worship. The strength of your family worship will only be as strong as your own commitment to the pursuit of God’s word. Deuteronomy 6:5-7 is the passage that is most often cited when it comes to our duty of family worship. That passage lays out a specific order. First the parent is to love God and his word. Then he is to pass it on to his children.

The word of God feeds our souls. For that reason we should be diligent to set it before our children daily. Make it a priority in your family starting today.

Bible, Children, Gospel, Man, Parenting

Rules, Rules, Rules…

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do-not-enter

“The prophet’s scorn for what is false is a generous thing because it springs from a profound love of what is true.”
(J. Gresham Machen, God Transcendent)

We live in a society that is learning to hate rules. “Judge not, that you be not judged” is now one of the most popular verses in all the Bible. We hate prohibitions. We love freedom. We hate the “nos” but love the “yesses”. Biblically speaking, however, both prohibitions and prescriptions are present. Take the Ten Commandments. Eight of the commandments are prohibitions, things we ought not to do. Therefore negative commands, or commands which forbid behavior, are not a problem. Biblical prohibitions are only problematic when they are void of a godly love of biblical prescriptions. What I mean is that our reasons for not doing evil are based on our love for doing good. We do not do certain things because they are wicked, while we do other things because they are righteous. And our God loves righteous deeds (Psalm 11:7).

When it comes to our children, we are God’s agents to help them learn how to serve and fear him. For that reason, the rules of our home should be structured around prohibiting wickedness and promoting righteousness. We teach our children not to hit others, but to be gentle. The former is wicked while the latter is righteous. We teach them not to steal, but to be generous and willing to share. The former is a prohibition, while the latter is a prescription. We teach these rules because of our deep love for the God who saved us. He has charged us to raise up or children in the instruction of his name (Eph. 6:4). His prohibitions and prescriptions give shape to wickedness and righteousness for our children. In our daily worship to God in our parenting, we should not be like the husband who buys power-tools for his wife, or the wife who buys a subscription to Southern Living magazine for her husband. People who do that are offering gifts to themselves. Rather, the spiritual worship we offer to God should honor him and do so in the way he has described in his word. Just to confirm, his word both prohibits and prescribes.

If we concentrate only on what we should not do, we lose sight of the love of virtue. If we neglect what we should do, we lose sight of the hatred of wickedness. In both cases we are loosing sight of the gospel. In sending the Son to be our substitute on the cross, the Father does not only set us free from the guilt of our sin, but also frees us from the dominion of sin. When live apart from sin’s mastery, we learn to say no to wickedness in obeying God’s prohibitions and say yes to righteousness by following his prescriptions.