Last installment looked at death in light of the things that could be learned from it. There we saw that not all experience in dealing with death is negative. The positive working of the Lord can be easily observed, if we watch and wait. For example, awareness of man’s need for God is often deepened in our trials. The sufferer is blessed as the Church cares for its members, often in ways that are deeply meaningful to those affected. The need for a future hope is impressed on those saying good-bye to a loved one. And yet we also remembered that experiencing the death of a loved-one certainly also has its grief and pain.
The trial of death in the family carries with it a finality and shock for which I was not prepared. The death of a loved-one is a uniquely difficult moment. It is easy to question whether enough was done for the one who is now passed. The familiar places the deceased loved-one used to enjoy remain painfully empty. However, by God’s grace and looking toward His promises, these difficult experiences can also be integrated and made beneficial in the process of adjusting to life without that loved-one present. However, in this article, I want to warn Christians against some pitfalls to be avoided in their sorrows and grief.
Pitfalls to Be Avoided
Amidst the positive and negative lessons, especially in the case of death, there can be many causes for stumbling. Emotions can cloud the mind and overwhelm the mourner to the point of obscuring God’s promises. Below are some examples of things Christians must work hard to avoid. It may perhaps even be necessary to pray that God would deliver you from such things if they have already taken hold of your heart.
Being Overwhelmed by Grief.
First, when grief paralyzes a person it is a sign that they have lost sight of hope. That is not to say such an experience is not understandable. Elijah was overwhelmed to the point of wanting to die (1 Kings 19:4). However, simply because we can be sympathetic to something that happens, does not mean we should be content to remain in such a condition. There is nothing the devil likes better than for God’s people to be blinded by grief. The weight of grief can be combatted by constant reminders of God’s promise that those who are in Christ the Son are united to God the Father in life and death. Certainly, Paul could have become blinded to the Lord because of the extent of his tribulations. His ministry included imprisonment, beatings, and near-death experiences (2 Corinthians 11:23-27). And yet he can write of the Christian:
“We are afflicted in every way, but not crushed; perplexed, but not driven to despair; persecuted, but not forsaken; struck down, but not destroyed; always carrying in the body the death of Jesus, so that the life of Jesus may also be manifested in our bodies. For we who live are always being given over to death for Jesus’ sake, so that the life of Jesus also may be manifested in our mortal flesh.” (2 Corinthians 4:8-11)
To avoid being overcome by grief requires preparation. Christians must study and know the ways of the Lord, have a firm understanding of His promises, and lay an expectation of hope to avoid being overwhelmed in the moment.
Reproaches against the Lord
Second, we may react to our circumstances by blaming God. The grief caused by death is intense, and it is understandable for a person to feel weighed down and discouraged under its weight. However, to charge God with wrong-doing is a sinful and unhealthy response to pain and grief. It is an error to lay blame at God’s feet. The Christian’s response cannot continue in this way.
Christian, I would urge you to remind yourself that God is good. Consider the following:
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- Remind yourself that He knows all things, also today’s circumstances. He created the heavens and the earth and governs them today. Certainly He is better able to discern all that is taking place in your trial, and all the good things that He will work in you through it.
- Think about all the good things He has given in this life.
- Remember the many joyful days He did give with your loved one.
- If you are struggling with contentment before the Lord, lay down your pride. You do not know better than the Lord. The sliver of time that you can observe and interpreted with limited knowledge cannot always fathom what the Lord is doing in any particular moment.
Taking Job as an example, after he lost all 10 of his children he was able to say, “Naked I came from my mother’s womb, and naked shall I return. The LORD gave, and the LORD has taken away; blessed be the name of the LORD” (Job 1:21). We must train our hearts and affections by a diligent study of the ways God demonstrates His goodness in His word so that we can say the same as our brother Job.
Withdrawal and Isolation
The last pitfall to be avoided is the desire to remove yourself from contact with the saints. Perhaps you are afraid to answer the questions. Perhaps you just simply want to be by yourself to process through your thoughts. And yet, the body of Christ is there specifically so that we do not deal with these things alone. We need more comfort than we are willing to admit. The people who ask questions about your well-being, even if someone else has asked you the same thing five minutes ago, is loving you well. Answering these questions, even repeatedly, actually helped me tremendously to move past the intensity of the grief. Even if it is hard, do not forsake gathering together with the Church. They will help carry you through.
These last two articles are not meant to be a definitive or exhaustive treatment of the subject of death and dying. Much more could be said. Instead it is an attempt to briefly summarize lessons I’ve learned in my own recent experience. May the Lord bless His people as they seek to deal well with an enemy who, though defeated, yet causes much sorrow of soul in the Christian.
