Tag Archives: honesty

Bible, Man, Marriage, Sanctification

Leading Like a Man

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Wedding Rings

Writing an article on the role of husbands should always make the writer feel a twinge of hypocrisy. I know you know this, but there is no such thing as a perfect husband. An article like this one make the writer painfully aware of his own short-comings as a husband. I think we, as husbands, often think of ourselves as better than we really are. A quick look at our standard should be enough to bring us back down to earth. Christ is the standard of the proper treatment of our wives. Even the most proud-hearted husband would have to admit he has not loved his wife as Christ loved the church. That does not mean we should give up. Instead we should repent, and to make a start below are two of the most basic sins we husbands commit and some humble suggestions of solutions:

  1. Selfish Love. So often we love our wives so as to bring maximum comfort to ourselves. How many of us, when getting a snack on our romantic evening together, do a quick size calculation before giving our wives their “half?” Even our best attempts at love have twinges of selfishness. The solution is not a greater affection for our wives, but rather a greater affection for the Lord. It is in our proper understanding of the work of Christ and the greatness of his forgiveness for us that our expression will change. Only when we love our Savior more will we, as husbands, show honor to the woman as the weaker vessel (1 Pet. 3:7). The solution to selfish love is selfless love, the kind of love that shows you love your wife as Christ loved the church.
  2. Spiritual Abdication. Most of us understand the need to provide materially for our wives. Scripture gives a very different emphasis. Instead of material provisions the Bible speaks of spiritual provision. We are to be used by the Holy Spirit as sanctifying agents in our marriage. We are to cleanse our wives with “the washing of water with the word,” (Eph. 5:26) in order that they would grow spiritually. To perform this task something greater than our words is needed. We need to set God’s word before our wives. We may fail to read Scripture to our wives because they ask difficult questions, or because we would rather watch the latest episode of our favorite TV show. The Bible calls us back again: Husbands, wash your wives with the word of God. Make that commitment to read just a little more of God’s word. It does not need to be profound. You just need to read. If she asks a question you cannot answer, beg for time and find the answer.

If, by the grace of the Holy Spirit, we might grow in our spiritual earnestness how much better our marriages might be. We may even be convinced of the selfishness of our love.

Bible, Gospel, Man, Sanctification

My Mouth Says Yes, My Body Says No

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burden

If I were to ask you what my favorite snack is, would you know? Of course not. But there is a way to find out. The solution is to get me in a room full snacks and see which bowl I head toward first. If I claim to love banana cream pie but instead spend all my time at the Doritos bowl you will disregard my previous claim. My actions confirm the trustworthiness of my words. What we do clarifies, and sometimes re-defines, what we say.

Family. Much of our instruction as parents is validated, or invalidated, by the decisions we make around our children. For example, most Christian parents have good intentions to teach their children to love God. But what value are we communicating to our children’s hearts when we neglect corporate worship to attend an event of our own choosing like a music recital, sports event or hunting trip. Our instruction may be, “Love God, no matter what,” but our actions say, “Love God if you don’t have a better offer.”

Marriage. No matter how often we tell our wives we love them, our actions can undo all those words. If you do not believe me, test the hypothesis: try making your wedding anniversary the same as every other day. Do not mention the special nature of the day, no flowers or chocolates, no special date. Instead encourage her to wash your car and fold that special shirt you wear when you go golfing with the guys. Your wife’s response would be both predictable and justified. You may be saying “I love you,” with your words, but by your actions you are saying, “I do not care anything about you whatsoever.”

Church. In the Presbyterian Church in America, membership vows include a promise to support the church in its worship and work. As a pastor, I’ve never met anyone who would take umbrage with this part of their vows. Yet why are churches’ evening services so poorly attended? Our words may say, “I’m committed,” but our actions say, “I’ll come 50% of the time.”

God. Perhaps the primary relationship that sits over all the previously mentioned ones is our relationship with God. As Christians, we profess faith in Christ’s work alone as the securing action of our redemption. Flowing from this redemption is God’s charge to “be holy, for I am holy.” (Cf. 1 Pet. 1:16). God in his word defines what it means to be set apart, dedicated in love to the Lord. The problem, of course, is our sin. Sin says, “I love myself more than I love God.” No matter the transgression, our action confirms love for self. Our only solution is to cry out to the Lord for deliverance. And having been delivered we must begin again learning to match our actions to our words through the power of the God at work it us (Phil. 2:12-13).

10 Commandments, Children, Parenting, Sanctification, Sin

Preparing Your Children for the Courtroom

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gavel

“Do not bear false witness…” It sounds so legal. Do we really have to prepare our children for the courtroom? Well, in a sense yes. As parents we are called to teach our children diligently throughout our day, to love God’s word. So, as parents, we are preparing our children for the courtroom by teaching them the importance of the truth. Our level of commitment in this area may greatly influence them should they stand in a courtroom one day.

In the Bible, God is identified as the truth. Jesus teaches his disciples he “is the way, and the truth, and the life.” (John 14:6, ESV). Our false witness bearing, therefore, is really an attack on the character of God. It is possible we are permitting such attacks in our homes. Let’s look at a few possible ways this happens and some suggested remedies.

  1. Tattling. One form of false-witness bearing shows up as soon as children can talk: tattling. When a child tattles he does not necessarily speak lies, but his primary concern is not truth. The heart attitude behind tattling is one of delighting in someone’s affliction, whether justified or not. What we will want to teach our children is a love for truth. To use the truth for sinful purposes represents a corruption of something beautiful. Instead help your children find opportunities to help, encourage, and build up others.
  2. Lying. Lying is a deliberate misrepresentation of the truth. Our children might lie to look impressive, get out of trouble, or for a number of other reasons. Lying says, “I will preserve and further myself.” I have always found a child’s lie a particularly painful experience in parenting because it reveals our child’s heart. Avoiding trouble is more important to them in those moments than truth and trust. The antidote is to model honesty to your children, to praise them when they tell the truth, and require them to be honest. All lies, no matter how small they may seem, matter. Do not permit them in your home.
  3. Deception. Deception is almost identical to lying. The only difference is that, in deception, the person acts rather than speaks. For example, the child who smuggles books, food or other contraband into bed. At root, the intention of lying and deception is the same: to mask truth to further our agenda. As parents we cannot permit our children to keep their contraband. But don’t miss the opportunity to look into the window the deceiver has given you into his heart: their personal pleasure is more important to them than honoring God.

Our children will, at times, make decisions that disappoint and hurt us. Though painful, their actions should not be surprising. They, like we, are sinners. It is our job to disciple our children through these sinful decisions. We are to lead them in a pursuit of God through Christ who is the way, the truth and the life.