Category Archives: Man

Bible, Man, Marriage, Sanctification

Husbands, Make Submission Joyful

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Friends Walking

Last week we began looking at the roles God has set out in his word to guide Christian marriage. Usually men, in their carnality, love to hear the passages of Scripture that deal with submission. It can awaken a sense of entitlement, or pride. God anticipates this reaction when dealing with Christian marriage. Immediately following his teaching to Christian wives he follows up the husbands.

In Eph. 5:22-33 you may notice that, while 51 words are used to instruct the wife the husband needs 102. It is exactly in combining the instruction to the man with what we have previously seen given to the woman that we see the compelling beauty of God’s design for marriage. Here, God gives men the following instruction about his relationship with his wife.

  1. Husbands are to lead as servants. The expectation of many is that men, in marriage, will be the selfish oaf sleeping on the couch while the wife scurries around doing all the work. Nothing could be further from the ideal, as far as Paul is concerned. The husbands is to love is wife as Christ loved the church (5:25). Christ loved the church by giving up the splendor of heaven and suffering humiliation from the day he was conceived up until the point when he is raised from the dead. He suffers those things to redeem his church because he loves her. Christ is the picture given to the husband to follow in leadership. He must be willing to give up the greatest personal comforts for the sake of his bride, just as Christ was. Therefore, the husbands concern in marriage is not his happiness and ease, but his wife’s.
  2. Husbands are spiritual leaders. True happiness is not found in stuff, but in faith in Christ. Often the man is seen as the provider, which is part of his job in marriage. However, he is primarily to be the spiritual leader of his home. Christ gives himself up to sanctify the church, cleansing her through the washing with the word. That is where true joy is found. Therefore the tired, discouraged husband still takes time to open the Bible with his wife, to lead her. The husband does not affect spiritual change in his wife, but can be used by the Holy Spirit to bring about such transformation.
  3. Husbands are to lead as they would like to be led. Husbands are to love their wives as their own bodies (5:28-29). I don’t know many men who would like to be ignored, taken for granted, and treated badly for the sake of some personal convenience. Therefore they are not to treat their wives that way.

It is in combining biblical submission with leadership that the beauty of God’s design for marriage is seen. The wife joyfully follows her husbands leadership trusting him to lead her spiritually as they are sanctified together by the Holy Spirit. That, my friend, is true joy.

Bible, Man, Marriage, Sanctification

The Bible’s Dirty Word on Marriage: Submission

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Wedding Rings

Having laid out foundational assumptions in last week’s installment we can now begin to address the issue of marriage. In Genesis 2:18-24 God establishes marriage in this order: 1. God made man; 2. God made woman; 3. God brings them together; 4. therefore, marriage. But God does much more than simply establish marriage. Our God and Savior gives us roles within marriage to be practiced for his glory.

There are three primary biblical texts to which we can turn for instruction on the roles of husbands and wives within marriage: Eph. 5:22-33, Col. 3:18-19, and 1 Pet. 3:1-7. In examining biblical roles we will mostly use the Ephesians passage. This text begins by addressing the woman’s role in marriage.

In Eph. 5:22, Paul calls the wife to “submit to your own husbands”. Paul helps us understand what this means through a word-picture. “Now, as the church submits to Christ, so also wives should submit in everything to their husbands.” (Eph. 5:24). In our day, submission is often associated enslavement to tyranical napoleon complex types. Even “complementarians” can do summersaults to avoid the cultural backlash of using this word. But if God says it, it must be good. So what should we consider when it comes the issue of biblical submission?

  1. The cultural definition of submission is misrepresented and/or misunderstood. Submission is not an enslavement, but rather a joyful yielding of our rights to one in leadership over us. Each day we submit to many things such as traffic laws, lines at customer service counters, our bosses, clients, and the list goes on. Why then would a woman submitting to the man she loves be a bad thing?
  2. The nature of submission is misrepresented and/or misunderstood. Submission is not an assessment of the value or rank of a person. Therefore there should be free and open discussion between husbands and wives on the decisions that will be made in their marriage.
  3. Wives are to follow the leadership of their husbands. The church is led by Christ, and marriage is a picture of that relationship. The wife takes on the role of the church and the husband that of Christ. Therefore, the husband leads the marriage, and the wife follows his leadership.
  4. The wife is to submit to her husband in everything. The Bible teaches that, unless the husband is leading to sin, the wife is to submit to her husband. In everything. My next post will show this instruction to be less risky than it may appear to you now, especially when considering a properly functioning, Biblical marriage.

The challenge of examining biblical roles for marriage by weekly installments is that we look at each role in isolation. The Bible teaches on these roles in relation to each other, so our conclusions on roles within marriage will have to wait until next week when we examine the Bible’s prescribed role for men.

Bible, Gospel, Man, Marriage, Sanctification

Marriage: Taking a Foggy Plunge

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Marriage Introduction

If parenting is a labor of foggy love, so is marriage. Of course it does not start out that way. When I started dating my wife 24 years ago, our first days were all excitement, sunshine and roses. Nary a cross word was spoken between us, and we had limitless patience for each other, or so it seemed. We were young, foolish and ran into all sorts of trouble. Lisa was eighteen years old when we married, and there was a pressing motivating factor behind our marriage who arrived six months later. For people looking at our start, the most likely outcome would be two (or three) ruined people and one ruined marriage. However, by God’s grace he preserved us, using people and his word to sanctify us and accomplish his purpose in us.

Now I’m no marriage guru, but I think I have learned a couple of things after 22 years. I want to walk through some of what I’ve learned in my own marriage and try and clear the fog a little. However, first there are foundational assumptions to lay out:

  1. Trust the Bible. Christians start with the sufficiency and perspicuity (why just say “clarity” when you can say “perspicuity”?) of the Bible to give stability to every part of life, including marriage. The Bible and the Bible alone is our final authority when it comes to every single minuscule detail of our lives. Sorry Oprah.
  2. Biblical Obedience Presumes Regeneration. It seems one always has to make this disclaimer when teaching the commands of Scripture. As soon as the “thou shalts” of the Bible come out, so do the cries of “legalism!” In the Westminster Confession of Faith, chapter 16, good works are described as acts done according to God’s command, out of faith in him, as we live empowered by the Holy Spirit, bearing his fruit. That means biblical marriage does not make you acceptable to God. Instead, you are acceptable to God by the work of Christ alone, therefore you should honor him in your marriage.
  3. Command and Principle. Though the Bible will be specific in its commands, there will areas of marriage governed by application of biblical principle. In these there can be variety among faithful Christians. It is my goal to be gracious in teaching application, yet uncompromising in the Bible’s requirements for obedience.
  4. Men and Women Are Different. In some quarters there is a desire to minimize differences between men and women. However, the Bible does not operate that way. For example, the curses given to Adam and Eve after the fall are not the same. God curses Adam with hardship in his work, and curses Eve with hardship in bearing children and submission. If men and women are the same God would not need to make distinctions along gender lines in his curses.

So, no legalistic righteousness through marriage. Instead we will look together at God’s requirements for his people in marriage so we would know how to honor him.

10 Commandments, Children, Gospel, Man, Parenting, Sanctification

Give Me What I Want: Covetousness

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Do Not Covet

The 10th commandment concludes God’s instructions through the Decalogue on how we can properly express our love to God. This commandment does not deal with action so much as it does with attitude, making it stand out from the previous eight ordinances God gave Moses. You do not “do” covetousness in the same way you steal or commit adultery. It is simply present in your motivations and emotions.

Covetousness is seen in many of the accounts of Scripture. Achan coveted the things from Jericho devoted to God. David coveted Bathsheba. Absalom coveted the throne of his father David. Although the objects these three men covet are different, there is one common thread tying these examples together: dissatisfaction. Those who covet are unhappy with that which God, in his goodness, has given to them. They are struggling with contentment.

Jeremiah Burroughs defines contentment as follows: “Contentment is the inward, quiet, gracious frame of spirit, freely submitting to and taking pleasure in God’s disposal in every condition.”(1) According to Burroughs, contentment is not a grudging submission to God, but actually taking pleasure in our God-given circumstances. Contentment is learning to delight in all God has planned for us. If you want to pass that lesson on to your children, be assured that giving them everything they want will not help. So what are some ways we can help our children learn contentment?

  1. Teach your children to love God. Many of us have an exaggerated sense of “needs” versus something we would like to have. Needs are actually a fairly small category: food and clothing (1 Tim. 6:8). For the Christian, God is the central desire. When God, through Christ, occupies such an exalted place, toys, free time, hobbies and recreations should not cause us to grumble against our creator.
  2. Encourage your children to rejoice at a sibling’s success. Our children do not need to be the object of everyone’s praise and attention. Let them learn to cheer on siblings at their soccer games and take interest in their piano recital. Help them recognize when brother or sister needs a hug. Encourage them to be happy to participate in someone else’s chosen game.
  3. Teach your children to serve. From a very early age, children can learn to be part of the family. This lesson can easily be learned through participation in family chores. Even little children can learn to bring their plastic plate to the counter after lunch is over. Sincere service is a good instructor toward contentment.

Each of us face difficult circumstances, from a human perspective. However, we are the people of God and are to serve him alone. Nothing else should supplant him as the object of our desires. Yet often by allowing discontentment in our families, we are teaching our children to place their own desires before things God has determined for our good. Do not covet.

(1) Jeremiah Burroughs, The Rare Jewel of Christian Contentment, (The Banner of Truth Trust, Versa Press Inc.: East Peoria, IL, 1964). 40.

10 Commandments, Children, Man, Parenting, Sanctification, Sin

Feeling, Stealing and Healing

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broken doorhandles

When we think about stealing we usually begin with the assumption that one man takes what belongs to another without permission. But perhaps we should back up a little. Perhaps we should begin with the knowledge that all things belong to God. That would mean, ultimately, that stealing is taking that which God gave to another and making it our own. In other words, theft is a man-centered rebellion against God’s distribution of his possessions. This understanding makes the offense a bit weightier and in need of our attention.

The Westminster Shorter Catechism, a 17th century doctrinal summary of what the Bible teaches, states the positive requirements of the commandment not to steal as the “lawful procuring and furthering the wealth and outward estate of ourselves and others.” (WSC #74). What are some ways we allow our children to violate this commandment right under our noses?

  1. Taking without asking. Seems obvious, but so much of it happens in such a mundane way. Taking food without asking, appropriating mom and dad’s favorite wardrobe items, playing with toys. These are all be examples of theft. Hardly the equivalent of grand theft auto, but theft nonetheless.
  2. Cheating. The more common forms of cheating in parenting will deal with school and games. When our children cheat on tests, they are using a short-cut. They are stealing the time it took another person to study and trying to reap their benefits. Cheating in board-games and sports means the “thief” tries to further his own outward estate without abiding by the laws of the game.
  3. Manipulation. The manipulator is a creative thief. They convince someone to hand over their possessions. However, the reason behind their behavior is the same. When our children convince a younger sibling to trade a “little” dime for a “huge” nickel, the aggressor wants that dime. The problem for him is that it was either not given to him, or he did not work to earn it. Instead of applying proper work to obtain his own dime, the child uses a slight-of-hand approach.
  4. Emotional Theft. Perhaps one of our children has competed in a race and won. He comes exuberantly to show his ribbon. If his sibling’s response is to say, “You weren’t even close to the record,” or “Last year I ran this race faster,” they are stealing joy or delight from their brother or sister. This kind of behavior also manifests itself if a child is in the middle of an exciting story and the brother or sister jumps in right before the climax and finishes it off for them.

So now what? Parenting is never done well from a couch or an armchair. It requires action, wisdom, authority and time, and lots of it. Make sure your children understand the implications of the commandment not to steal. If they do, teach them to restore what they have taken, if that is possible. But also spend time giving them the opportunity to be generous and willing to share.

Children, Man, Parenting, Sanctification, Sin

Parents Pay Attention: Modesty, Self-Control & Entertainment

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path

Adultery. It is a prominent theme in the entertainment and fashion of our culture. I do not mean that every TV show or movie is about adultery, but adultery is part of most entertainment we see. Maybe not physical adultery, but sexual innuendos, provocative dress, unbridled passion between unmarried people… They all feed into a spirit of adultery.

Christians understand the Bible forbids adultery. It clearly condemns the physical kind in Exodus 20:15. Jesus broadens the application of the 7th commandment when he says, “You have heard that it was said, ‘You shall not commit adultery.’ But I say to you that everyone who looks at a woman with lustful intent has already committed adultery with her in his heart.” (Matt. 5:27-28). These words turn adultery from an exclusively physical act into something found also in our thoughts and motivations. Our culture’s constant portrayal of adultery as something normal can easily take root in us, let alone our children. So what guidance can we give them to help conform their minds to Christ instead of the world?

  1. Teach Your Daughters to Dress Modestly. I know there is disagreement as to what is modest and provocative when it comes to dress. However, we should not therefore assume that everything is modest. Let me offer a solution. Look at the headlines of the fashion magazines. Many are explicitly geared toward a woman’s sexual appeal to men. They are trying to help their readers achieve these headlines in part through fashion. So, if my daughter has a “look” resembling what is in those magazines, she is wearing clothing designed to achieve sexual appeal. This clothing violates the 7th commandment by inviting lust.
  2. Teach Your Sons to Respect Women. People critical of discussions on modesty often ask the following question: “Why is the responsibility for keeping the 7th commandment always the girls’?” They make a very good point. In Jesus’ Sermon on the Mount the assumption is that you do not have to look lustfully. It is a choice, and a sinful one at that. Teach your sons to respect the ladies they meet. Teach them to look them in the eye, to be sincerely interested in them as people, and to delight in serving them. The “oogler” violates the 7th commandment by practicing lust.
  3. Control Your Family Entertainment Mediums. In parenting, we are trying to help our children think according to God’s word. We will not be able to compete with a billion dollar industry when it comes to presentation. Be wise. Just because it’s on and keeps our children occupied does not mean it is godly or good. Parental laziness violates the 7th commandment by not protecting our children from lustful thought patterns.

What are we hoping to accomplish in our homes? We are charged by God to show our children what it means to love him. Let us be diligent, not surrendering our children’s minds to the patterns of this world.

10 Commandments, Children, Man, Parenting, Sanctification, Sin

The Dangers of Homicide at Home

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6th commandment

I’m assuming most people are not having to spend inordinate amounts of time trying to explain to their children that homicide is sinful. It is a basic idea: murder is not okay. Even little children understand this truth. However, how many of us are thinking beyond the narrow reading of the sixth commandment and seeing the broader application as defined by Jesus in the Sermon on the Mount? Jesus expands our understanding of murder. He puts anger and murder in the same category: a failure to rule over your emotions and passions. In Matthew 5:21-24, Jesus uses strong language to warn those who neglect this commandment with the “fire of hell.” I wonder if we take that warning seriously enough to help our children navigate through the difficult challenges of managing their feelings and emotions according to the word of God?

Emotions are powerful and can easily be abused even while doing something “good.” I remember from my own childhood. During family worship one evening my older brother and I were asked to recite our memory work from Matthew 11:28-30. As my older brother struggled through the verses I sought to “help” him when he got stuck. I remember delighting in showing him how much better I knew the verses. I quickly forgot all the times when he had known his verses better than I. And so anger broke into the peaceful bliss of the Gleason home. Right as my brother was reciting “for I am gentle and lowly in heart…” my final prod pushed him over the edge. He turned without blinking and punched me in the arm as hard as he could. My pride and his anger both were sins against the 6th commandment. Both of us were in need of forgiveness because we did not control our emotions. With both transgressions common in our families, how do we help our children navigate these waters?

  1. Teach them what is right. So much of parenting is spent on correction, but we also must remember the positive instructions. These are the conversations we have with our children when all is well. When your child has hit his sibling, teach him about gentleness as you share a walk with him. When your child is manifesting pride, talk to him about humility on your way to the grocery store. When he becomes a “name caller,” teach him about encouragement as you tuck them into bed at night. Help them learn to control their passions.
  2. Correct what is wrong. Most parents are more naturally attuned to this part of parenting. However, you have to learn to recognize the transgressions. Do you let your children slam doors? stomp out of the room in anger? lash out with their tongues? Your children should understand these expressions are not permitted in your home. More than that, they should understand these expressions are not permitted in your home because they dishonor God.
10 Commandments, Children, Man, Parenting

How to Frustrate Your Children

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Honor your father and mother

I am guessing many first-time parents get their highlighters out when their little angel reaches 1 year old and furiously begin underlining Exodus 20:12: “Honor your father and your mother…” It becomes their “life verse.” This enthusiasm usually springs from a recognition of the universal defiance streak that is in all our children. However, the fifth commandment actually has implications for the parent as well.

More than just dealing with children, the fifth commandment also covers our obligation toward our children. “The fifth commandment requireth the preserving the honor, and performing the duties, belonging to everyone in their several places and relations, as superiors, inferiors, or equals.” (Westminster Shorter Catechism Q/A 64). The 17th century divines teach us that children have duties toward parents, but parents have duties to their children as well.

One of the places our biblical duties are summarized is in Colossians 3:21. There God commands us not to provoke our children lest they become discouraged. To clarify, this passages does not teach our children’s happiness as the gauge for successful, biblical parenting. For example, our children may become discouraged when we prohibit them from kicking their siblings in the shins. They may be frustrated when we restrict their forms of entertainment. Discouragement alone does not invalidate our instruction, but discouragement flowing from provocation does. So how do we discourage our children?

  1. By failing to teach them from God’s word. Our convictions are not as stable as we might think. Consider how much your views have changed in the last ten years. When we make our thoughts the foundation for instruction, children will become discouraged because they are aiming for a moving target. We should instruct our children in God’s unchangeable commandments and in principles we derive from them.
  2. By treating them as if they were the center of the universe. When our children are young we form how they view the world. If we teach them to consider themselves the center, we inadvertently train them to make their happiness their primary goal. However, Scripture tells us that “whoever does not take his cross and follow me is not worthy of me.” (Matt. 10:38). The principle of self-denial is central to the Scriptures, not self-satisfaction. We will discourage them if they are used to considering self first, rather than Christ.
  3. By failing to love them as we have been loved by Christ. Parental instruction must flow from a heart of love. If we constantly treat our children as if they are an inconvenience, whatever may have been helpful in our instruction will surely be lost. View your parental responsibilities along the lines of Deut. 6:6-7: “And these words that I command you today shall be on your heart. You shall teach them diligently to your children, and shall talk of them when you sit in your house, and when you walk by the way, and when you like dow, and when you rise.”
10 Commandments, Children, Man, Parenting, Sanctification

The Sabbath and My Family

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bell tower

When I moved to Canada in 1985, all the shopping centers were still closed on Sunday. I don’t think anyone had the faintest idea why, but they were closed nonetheless. Now, in the church, we have the same situation. We commend Chick Fill-A for being closed on Sunday, but at the same time we’re a bit disappointed because now we have to spend more by going to Appleby’s for our Sunday lunch. We have lost our understanding of the significance of Sunday as the Christian Sabbath. You, parents, are the ones who must be about making Sunday the Lord’s Day again.

The point of this post is not to address the issue of the theology of the Sabbath. Other people have done a very good job at it. Iain Campbell, Walter Chantry, Ryan McGraw, Joseph Pipa and others have made a thorough biblical case for the continuing application of the 4th commandment for the Christian. What I want to do is think through the “why” and “how” of teaching our children about the Christian Sabbath.

First, “Why?” If I was to boil down the significance of the Lord’s Day to one idea it is this: God has given us Sunday to continually re-orient us in the use of our time. Christian worship can easily become one of our weekly activities. We work, watch football, do homework, visit friends, and we also manage to fit in church. God knows the weakness of our frame and gives us one day in seven where everything stops. We have to get everything else in our week done in six days because we know that on the seventh, we don’t work, neither do we cause anyone else to work. It is God’s tithe on our time: all the time we have belongs to God and we should use it to glorify him. It is a gift from God reminding us we are blessed when our hope is in him (Ps. 146:5).

Second, “How?” There are two ways we mock the Lord’s Day. First, by not giving it any thought, and second by turning it into a checklist. The way to avoid these extremes is by setting some foundational truths before our children about the Lord’s Day:

  1. God made the Sabbath as part of his creation, before sin even entered the world (Gen. 2:3). That means we are all to obey this commandment
  2. On Sunday, we are not to work, neither should we cause others to work. If we need to make changes in our families to conform to this commandment, make sure we can show our children they are required by God, not you.
  3. Obedience to the Sabbath demonstrates we trust God will take care of us. We are to seek first His kingdom and His righteousness and all other things will be given to us.
  4. There are exceptions to the Sabbath commandment to rest in the works of necessity and mercy.
10 Commandments, Children, Man, Parenting, Sanctification

Do I Blaspheme in my Home?

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no profanity

Can you imagine letting fly a string of expletives and blasphemy in front of your children? I hope not. Yet often we do take God’s name in vain in front of our children.

Too often we think God’s commandment, “You shall not take the name of the Lord your God in vain,” deals only with spoken blasphemy. However, Ezekiel shows us a broader application. God charges the prophet to confront Israel with their disobedience: idolatry, Sabbath breaking, and a disregarded of God’s law. God views these transgressions as follows: “Thus says the Lord GOD: In this also your fathers blasphemed me, by dealing treacherously with me.” (Ezekiel 20:27, ESV). It is in what they do that they take God’s name in vain. Likewise 1 Timothy 6:1 urges Christians who are enslaved to honor their masters so God’s name would not be “reviled.”

So how can our children’s actions take God’s name in vain? By misrepresenting, or dishonoring, Christ in thought, word, and deed. We are to teach and lead our children in a joyful, thankful, humble response to God’s redeeming work. Since we are called to imitate Christ (Eph. 5:1-2), certain behaviors become unacceptable in Christian families. Below we find only three that will have to serve as a sample set.

  1. Unkind Words. Our children will use unkind words. But do we correct them when they do so? Paul commands us to put on kindness as part of the process of sanctification (Col. 3:12). When a man identifies himself with Christ, he is to be kind. How often is God’s name maligned in Christian homes through the use of unkind speech?
  2. Selfishness. How long did you have to wait before your little angel uttered the word “Mine!” with fire in his eyes? We may chuckle at their intensity, but in fact our little ones are behaving selfishly. However, God is not selfish. He is gracious, kind, and provides us with all we need both for body (1 Tim 6:17-18) and soul. Teach your children to be generous, and willing to share.
  3. Raising Voice in Anger. In Colossians 3:8, we find wrath and anger among the sins to be put to death. Yet we often express these emotions in the tone of our voice. We address this sin by seeking forgiveness, not by excusing it. As we turn in repentance, through the Holy Spirit’s power, we must seek after contentment and peace, also applying God’s standards of behavior to our children.

As a result of our being redeemed and serving as ambassadors of Christ, to live contrary to his instruction and attributes is to take his name in vain. We and our children will make sinful choices in our lives and by doing so will blaspheme him. However, we must learn to recognize these sins so we can lead our families in repentance and give full honor and glory to the God who made us, redeemed us, and sustains us.