The arrival of our first child often makes us doubt the theological accuracy of the sinfulness of man…for a couple of months. It does not take long before the addition of another sinner into our family to, in fact, clearly reveals the sin that is bound up in every person’s heart. Our little ones never have to be taught to rebel against mom and dad. As soon as they are mobile they begin asserting their own wills and when it runs counter to ours, the mentality is often: “Too bad for you, dad!” If the Lord blesses us with more than one child, these transgressions begin accumulate and pile up, and we must learn to deal with them. To navigate these waters it is important to understand the difference between saying “I’m sorry,” and asking forgiveness.
To say “I’m sorry,” is to make a statement of regret. It is an acknowledgment that we have caused something to happen and we wish we had not. In this statement of regret something is missing: acknowledgement of guilt. That which is lacking forms a proper gauge for when this expression should be used. Not all actions effecting others are sinful. For example, when we are holding a cup and it slips out of our hand and shatters on the ground, we were not being careless neither was breaking the cup our intention. It was an accident. A simple “I’m sorry honey. I’ll clean it up,” is a sufficient response. In other words, we say we are sorry when we accidentally do something do another person. However, there are times when saying “I’m sorry,” is not adequate. In fact, to say “I’m sorry,” in response to sin actually tries to minimize the sinful intent of our behavior.
One of the things that must be present in dealing with sinful behavior is an acknowledgment of guilt. In Psalm 32, David is dealing with the right process of confessing sin to God. He does not tell us to tell God of our regret, but says the following: “I acknowledged my sin to you, and I did not cover my iniquity; I said ‘I will confess my transgressions to the Lord,’ and you forgave the iniquity of my sin.” David acknowledges his specific sins to the Lord and waits for his forgiveness. The same process is set before us in 1 John 1:9: “If we confess our sins, he is faithful and just to forgive us our sins and to cleanse us from all unrighteousness.” What is true in our relationship with God is also true in human relationships. When we have willfully sinned against our wife, or children, we should acknowledge our sinful ways to them and wait for them to grant forgiveness. We have to admit that we did exactly as we intended at that moment, and ask that they would graciously set our sin against them to the side.
In the conflicts in our homes this distinction is important. Too often our children will be content to express regret in saying “I’m sorry,” without any acknowledgment of guilt in asking forgiveness. We must teach our children to follow the right biblical pattern when it comes to addressing sin between them and God and them and people. Have them acknowledge their guilt before the one they offended, and wait for them to forgive. This process impresses what true repentance is on our children instead of minimizing their sin by allowing them only to express regret.
“A man is given to covetousness when he overloads himself with worldly business…(H)e has scarce time to eat his meat, but no time to pray.” (Thomas Watson, The Ten Commandments, 176)
Last article we saw how a covetous spirit is evidenced in us when we begin to neglect the spiritual aspect of living in pursuit of the common, or worldly. When we begin neglecting our private or corporate worship these are clear signs that we are longing more for the things of this world than for fellowship with God. But we are not only responsible for our own covetous desires. We also bear some responsibility to those who live around us. In no relationship is that responsibility more obvious than between parents and children. And yet, however well-intentioned we may be, there are ways we, as parents, contribute to a spirit of covetousness in our children.
- Failure to teach contentment. It is difficult to teach contentment in our western culture. Our children are constantly being bombarded with commercials and catalogues which encourage them to want just a little bit more than they already have. From our children’s perspective, every commercial and catalogue will present them with something they “need” rather than just “want.” 1 Tim. 6:6-10 clearly teaches a love for the riches of this world is destructive. The apostle’s list of needs is quite small: food and clothing. We have to teach this truth to our children and show them how grateful we are for what God has already provided. We can do so by speaking about how the Lord has blessed us beyond measure. This action may seem insignificant, but it will make a big impact.
- Failure to teach our children to love the heavenly things. So much of what we model to our children is caught rather than taught. We can constantly tell our children they need to set their eyes on the things above, but unless our actions corroborate this teaching, our children will learn to ignore our words and look simply to our actions. We have to model being heavenly minded in our work and play. We have to lead our children in faithfully study and practice of God’s word. We have to lead our children to value the Lord more than anything else including the fleeting riches of this world.
- Failure to restrain the lusts of their flesh. When we give our children unbridled access to their heart’s desire, we are training them to direct all their energy to the pursuit of those things. It could be sports, arts, play time, book learning, or anything else. As parents it is our God-given responsibility to set limits for our children. If our children are always allowed to pursue their own desires, this pattern of behavior will follow them into adulthood. If we insist our children participate in the work of running the family, cheer for their siblings’ successes, do special things for their mother on Mothers’ Day and a host of other options, they will understand they are not the center of the universe, a helpful disposition to encourage contentment rather than covetousness.
Covetousness is one of the great sins of our time. And it will show up in our hearts and our children’s hearts. However we do not have to encourage them in this regard. Instead let us set them a healthy example which they can follow as their little hearts are shaped and molded by the Holy Spirit.