At the beginning of his famous Institutes of the Christian Religion, Calvin begins by identifying true wisdom as consisting primarily of our knowledge of God and man. Specifically he states that “Here, again, the infinitude of good which resides in God becomes more apparent from our poverty.” (John Calvin, Institutes of the Christian Religion, chapter 1.1). We could spend a long time investigating that statement, but let us briefly consider its significance.
In the first pages of Scripture God’s greatness is established. “In the beginning God created the heavens and the earth.” However creative we may think ourselves, none of us can speak and bring worlds into existence. But not only does God create, but throughout Genesis the patriarchs are led, protected, corrected, and preserved by the Lord. He made the world, brought the flood, called Abraham out of Ur of the Chaldees, promising to bless all the families of the earth through him. It is only God’s greatness and goodness that establish these things.
Scripture, on the other hand, does not present man in the same light. Eight verses after God finishes expelling man from the Garden of Eden the Bible records its first murder. A few verses later, we are introduced to Lamech, the first polygamist and boastful murderer. The patriarchs don’t fare much better. Noah is a drunk, Abraham is twice willing to give his wife to another to save his own skin; Isaac copies his father’s survival technique. Jacob does his best to live up to his name, which means deceiver. Ten of his sons dabble in a host of wicked behaviors, all in the first book of the Bible. So how does all this help us?
To understand both God’s holiness and man’s depravity means we understand the greatness of our salvation. It is good for us to meditate on both those truths. Especially for those of us who have had the blessing of learning our faith on our parents’ laps, we can begin to grow numb to the message of Scripture. It is in seeing the discrepancy between God’s holiness and man’s depravity that we realize the greatness of our love. Let me illustrate in a limited way by looking at human relationships. We can think of the times when we have been most deserving of our spouse’s, siblings’ or friends’ anger. Yet it is when they return our unkindness with kindness that we realize how much they love us. If Scripture only taught us of our wickedness we would despair. If the Bible only taught us about God’s goodness, we would lose our awe of him. It is in knowing both God’s goodness and our depravity that we see the greatness of God’s gift of redemption. And understanding the greatness of this gift will lead to a daily rejoicing in our salvation, expressed in a commitment to taking every thought, word and deed captive in the service in Christ’s kingdom.
Writing an article on the role of husbands should always make the writer feel a twinge of hypocrisy. I know you know this, but there is no such thing as a perfect husband. An article like this one make the writer painfully aware of his own short-comings as a husband. I think we, as husbands, often think of ourselves as better than we really are. A quick look at our standard should be enough to bring us back down to earth. Christ is the standard of the proper treatment of our wives. Even the most proud-hearted husband would have to admit he has not loved his wife as Christ loved the church. That does not mean we should give up. Instead we should repent, and to make a start below are two of the most basic sins we husbands commit and some humble suggestions of solutions:
- Selfish Love. So often we love our wives so as to bring maximum comfort to ourselves. How many of us, when getting a snack on our romantic evening together, do a quick size calculation before giving our wives their “half?” Even our best attempts at love have twinges of selfishness. The solution is not a greater affection for our wives, but rather a greater affection for the Lord. It is in our proper understanding of the work of Christ and the greatness of his forgiveness for us that our expression will change. Only when we love our Savior more will we, as husbands, show honor to the woman as the weaker vessel (1 Pet. 3:7). The solution to selfish love is selfless love, the kind of love that shows you love your wife as Christ loved the church.
- Spiritual Abdication. Most of us understand the need to provide materially for our wives. Scripture gives a very different emphasis. Instead of material provisions the Bible speaks of spiritual provision. We are to be used by the Holy Spirit as sanctifying agents in our marriage. We are to cleanse our wives with “the washing of water with the word,” (Eph. 5:26) in order that they would grow spiritually. To perform this task something greater than our words is needed. We need to set God’s word before our wives. We may fail to read Scripture to our wives because they ask difficult questions, or because we would rather watch the latest episode of our favorite TV show. The Bible calls us back again: Husbands, wash your wives with the word of God. Make that commitment to read just a little more of God’s word. It does not need to be profound. You just need to read. If she asks a question you cannot answer, beg for time and find the answer.
If, by the grace of the Holy Spirit, we might grow in our spiritual earnestness how much better our marriages might be. We may even be convinced of the selfishness of our love.
When we hold our newborns in our arms they look completely perfect. Even their little baby cries are cute and adorable (mind you, not at 3 a.m.). When we look at them it is difficult to imagine any sin in them at all. But when our little angel(s) grow older, original sin becomes apparent very quickly. Biblically speaking, sin and its manifestations in our children should not surprise us. As parents, we cannot eliminate sin no matter how well intentioned we may be. However, parents are called by God to work to apply biblical truth to our children’s lives. We are called to raise up our children in the fear and admonition of the Lord (Eph. 6:4). So what do we do when our children begin to argue? In family arguments there are a host of sins that our children can choose to commit. However, most of these sins can be placed in two broad categories: unkind speech and unkind action.
- Unkind Speech. The moment we hear unkind speech in our home we must stop the offending child. We should give a verbal rebuke to our child and remove him from the social setting. He is not able to handle to freedom in that moment. For children aged 3 and older, part of the resolution process should also involve the offender seeking forgiveness. Not a half-hearted apology, but a sincere asking for forgiveness for sinning against their brother with their unkind words. By requiring the specifics of the sin to be verbalized, our child will recognize the nature of their sin more clearly. Not only are we to correct the sin, but we are also to encourage the opposite virtue. In this case, we should help our children encourage their siblings. Point out successes of siblings and help them complement their brother. Have the family attend siblings’ sporting events and recitals and cheer for them. In other words, we should find ways to have our children’s words build up, not tear down.
- Unkind Action. When children stick out their tongues, hit, bite, pinch or any other physical assault that may take place in the normal course of our parenting day we should “throw the book” at our sweet little sinner: corporal punishment at a young age, or strong consequences if our children are older. Though unkind speech is certainly unacceptable, laying hands on a sibling represents a significant step along the path of sin. Instead of using their hands for destruction we want to teach our children to use them for strengthening. We should encourage our children to hold the door open for each other, or help lift up a smaller sibling when they have fallen. Teach them gentleness when the baby sibling arrives in the family. And when these opportunities arise, tell them, “This is a good way to use your hands. You are helping your brother!”
Sin should not surprise us. However, we should not allow sin to fester unaddressed in our families. We must train ourselves to correct the sin and instruct our children in the opposite virtue.